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Sunday, December 05, 2004

Alabama State Representative Gerald Allen Wants All Gay Books Buried in a Hole

My friends, I so much wish that I was joking...

“Our culture, how we know it today, is under attack from every angle,” Representative Allen said in a press conference Tuesday.

That may be, but how that directly interfaces with the idea of his bill to destroy books I don't exactly follow. Allen said that if his bill passes, novels with gay protagonists and college textbooks that suggest homosexuality is natural would have to be removed from library shelves and destroyed.

But when pressed harder as to what the specifics would be as to what books would be destroyed and who would make that call, Gerald Allen was less concise than usual, being such a learned individual. And as far as I can tell, basically has not really responded to the question. However, when asked about specific titles, he mentioned some obvious ones, such as Heather has Two Mommies. He also mentioned a few, less gay, books that some would even call classics, The Color Purple, The Picture of Dorian Gray and Brideshead Revisted.

Further, Gerald’s proposed bill would also ban materials that acknowledge or advocate a lifestyle or actions prohibited by the sodomy and sexual misconduct laws of Alabama. Allen said that would mean that books with heterosexual couples committing those acts likely would be banned, too. Also, the proposed bill would disallow an educator or guest speaker, etc. from giving out materials or suggesting homosexuality was OK, according to Rep. Allen.

Here I have to ask, where would it stop? The logical end of Allen’s plans would be to ban all books that mention any crime. Right? So out the door go Romeo and Juliet, Crime and Punishment, Tom Sawyer, Calvin and Hobbes. The list could go on ad absurdum. Though if you ask me, we’ve reached absurdum already.

And perhaps you’re wondering what Representative Allen proposes to do with the books he bans? His answer is simple:

"I guess we dig a big hole and dump them in and bury them," he said.

Sheer genius. I now believe in reincarnation. This man IS George Wallace.

Speaking of genius, here’s my brilliant plan. Why don’t we contact this fellow and give him our unwavering support and devotion.

His address in the Alabama State House is:

Room 53111 S. Union StreetMontgomery, AL 36130

His phone number at the State House is 334-242-7758. His work number at his day job as Owner of Cashco Marketing is 205-556-5310. His home phone number is 205-556-5310. And his home address is:

8200 Old Hargrove Road
East Cottondale, AL 35453

Let’s show him some love



(short disclaimer: I am not explicitly or implicitly recommending violence, vandalism, or any other criminal activity in any way. I only suggest that the Representative hear the public’s opinion of his plans)

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